I have heard it said that I do not even know the day to day struggles of parenting, even directly after being told of those struggles!
So as an educator I must acknowledge parents positions, but to be told I know nothing, is just a falsehood expressed about parenting frustration. For though I do not claim to know it all, and I have never claimed to know it all about parenting that I can recall, I do know some things that work for me, in our child education industry.
I am able to walk into a loud and rowdy room of 25 ish students aged between 5 years old or 17 years old, and I am able to influence their behaviour such that they will listen to what I say, will consider what I share, will act decently towards each other and towards me, and achieve that influence in under one single minute.
Environment obviously has a lot to do with that situation, for at school some rules are in place that I do not control, instead am merely having to abide by school policy and all the appropriate laws as well! So my influence is at least in part contributed to by the environment.
So you see, a parent has valuable skills, experience and knowledge of this I am certain, but can an untrained unexperienced parent do what I describe above, to harmonise with students so effectively and quickly and fairly?
What have I got, that I can pass onto parents and children? That actually works, is achievable and valuable for all concerned.
It is this simply put : If the parent has ten rules over the child, then the child must have ten rules over the parent. Parenting is not tyrannical or a dictatorship, it is a relationship one of give and take, of compromise and negotiation and when parenting is not like that, then somethings go wrong and people get hurt and parents suffer watching their own children suffer, and the child acts in ways that shows what is being parented/done, is not truly working for the child’s acting out is communicating – this isn’t working, let’s change something today!
And some parents will consider that a rude or acting out child needs more rules, and more discipline and harsher consequences for poor behaviour, but look above at that Ted Talk, scientists have revealed that a parent is just a butterfly flapping its wings a world away whilst the child today is a hurricane of spirited energy. What happens to a butterfly in a hurricane? Can that butterfly affect direct controlling change upon the hurricane?
So know this, parents are influencers not controllers, seeking to control will lead towards even less control, whereas seeking to influence will aim children towards their own needs/wants/desires. Influencing aims towards self-efficacy, control leads towards ???? It’s all there in the literature, if you have the time, then spend it on educating yourself or simply risk not achieving your own parenting goals by being unaware of the science of parenting and the psychology of educating.
Thank to TED for permitting sharing of those wonderful parenting talks.
Candor and brutal honesty leads to good parenting.
Losing control in a really wonderful way. Transcendent moments.
Can we move the average baseline of happiness up a bit?
Expectation management and reasoned and rational expectations.
Hilarious my friends, Babble dot com was so successful as a parenting place it was bought for $40 million usd by Disney and they have let it all vanish into the void! Whatever was there I cannot even find today.
So where can parents go to talk about parenting these days?
And you may find the following one a little finnicky, but apparently it will display lots of blogs about parenting.
Good luck have fun, stand in the sun today, rise today, rise tomorrow, be not filled with sorrow, help has arrived, you have survived, now let us all thrive.
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