Two massive units are out the front of not-their-bar, by david jarvis.

These chaps are deadly looking. They have burly beards, hard black and blue leather clothing on and start swearing at each other loudly.

You naffing kunt, i fragging hate you, u always is hitting on my girl.

That’s cause u is just a small dicky wicky and she likes mine better!

Bullshite you dodgy so and so, I outta crack you right in the face for chatting to my woman.

Go on then u soft prissy. I dare you!

The spectators look onwards mouths agape. Three high paying customers look at each other and nod, it is time to leave, this is about to get loud and messy. They exit, stage left, discarding their drinks but taking their wallets.

I’m telling you, I am sick to fracking death of you having a go at my missus, you always buy her drinks and get her drunk, then I gotta clean up the mess.

ah hah, sucked in, she loves sucking my cock when I get her drunk, and you can’t afford to buy her the top shelf drinks she loves. So I do!

You naffing bastard, I have had enough of this shit.

Crack. Scuffle, snap and pop. Head lock, break, kicking, biting, eye gouging, a few screams, an outdoor table goes flying, a well dressed in a suit spectator doesn’t notice their wallet going missing! The pretty girls get their blood up. One chap’s eyes glaze over, he is remembering when he was beat up.

aaaawww, stop it you bastard, look i’ve had enough, i still hate you, but we gotta stop, the cops are gonna show up soon.

frack you I want the cops to show up, Georgie is on shift tonight and reckons wednesdays are slow, they gonna cut her hours if we don’t make some noise!

You dodgy so and so, ok, hit me, lets go for round two.

awwww, no fair, no fair, i wasn’t ready, let me go first u loser.

Fair? What are you a queer? No wonder you missus prefers my johnny rodger over your skinny short thingie.

Nah, that’s it!

Crack! shuffle, grab, gouge, spit, head butt, stomp, kick, punch.

OK OK! I tap, uncle, you got me.

WOOOOOWWWWOOOOWWWWWOOOOOOWWW.

Georgie, you’re here, man you look hot in that blue uniform love you coming to martial arts training next week?

Move along, nothing to see here people, just a scuffle between two old drunk friends. move along.

The crowd disperses, most heading towards the carpark to go home.

You going press charges this time John?

Nope.

You going to press charges this time Frank?

Nope.

Ok, see you both next week.

The two old drunk friends wander off to their vehicles.

That was a bit of fun. Yeh, ok, look I’ll see you at martial arts training next tuesday night, ok brother.

Yeh, my sister says she’ll be around monday to pick up the new bike you’re putting together for her.

Nah mate, that bike won’t be finished, the parts haven’t come in yet.

What’s that?

Yeh the local courier van driver lost the parts and so it’s all just an insurance balls up.

Insurance sure is a scam.