Sayings of Squash, by david jarvis may 2022.

How does any referee see the balls contact point on the servers racket, simultaneously with the foot remaining inside the service box during the serve? (It’s a secret we are not obliged to tell you!)

If you drag your foot during every serve, that really helps out shoe retailers.

The lighter the squash shoe is, the quicker it’s going to fall apart.

The lighter the racket is, the less robust it is.

The younger, smaller and less strong players should have the lightest rackets.

Are you going to give up just because mummy and daddy can’t afford to purchase you the lightest dearest racket on the market?

Here, try this wooden racket with cat gut strings, see if you like that one.

Practise slowly so that you can play fastest.

Purposeful training has highly specific short term goals, every time!

The taller the player, the harder they are to lob.

The taller the player, the harder it is for them to get down low.

The shorter the player, the easier they are to lob.

The shorter the player, the easier it is for them to get down low.

Do you train at full stretch?

Physiological balance does not come from training one side perpetually.

Have you heard of offset weight training?

Psychological balance does not come from ignoring your physical warm up.

Psychological skills are developed in psychological training.

Ideal arousal is when the two components, physiology and psychology are ideally aligned and syncronised.

The perfect arousal state is in the goldilocks zone of optimality.

Yerkes and Dodson know a thing or two about arousal.

Feel the flow young racket-master.

The harder you hit it, the easier it is to take after it rebounds way off the back wall, thanks.

The softer you hit it, the easier it is to cut it off before the back wall, thanks.

What is correct weight hitting for this exact situation?

I am content that you think hitting the nick was lucky.

Now that covid is recognised, I think I’ll bow rather than shake hands, feels safer thanks.

If you’re fully focused on watching the ball, you’re less focused on watching the opponent.

If you’re fully focused on where the ball is right now, how do you predict its pathway?

What is focus?

The other player is not even on the court.

Just hit the ball away from where it came from.

How do you hit the ball at the top of the bounce?

Why try to hit the ball at the top of the bounce?

If the ball is falling vertically and you use a horizontal swing, think about the physics of timing.

Which bit of the strings gives the most consistent ball strike?

In badminton it is NOT the central bit of the strings that gives the most consistent strike!

What about squash?

I am here to squash you.

Look mate, the ref makes the calls, the scorer states the calls, and you and I just hit the balls, can we get on with it please.

Let please? – yes let.

Let please? – no let.

Let please? – stroke.

Great calls officials, thanks for volunteering your expertise.