Psychology of Motivating Communications, by david jarvis 2022.

sad young indian woman avoiding talking to husband while sitting on sofa
Conflict > She’s looking away, He’s closed down his body language : Photo by Ketut Subiyanto on

ostracise : 1. to banish (someone) from their native country; expatriate.
2. to exclude by general consent from society, privileges, etc.

exclude : 1. to shut or keep out; prevent the entrance of.
2. to shut out from consideration, privilege, etc.
3. to expel and keep out; thrust out, eject.

Macquarie Dictionary ios.
Trade embargoes are ostracisation, which often expand into open warfare, go read some history please.

I’m not listening to you, I refuse to discuss this matter. The matter is closed. No. I’m not coming.

You’re not listening to me. You’re not hearing what I’m saying. You did this to yourself. No. Leave.

negative ; 1. expressing or containing negation or denial.
2. expressing refusal to do something.
3. refusing consent, as to a proposal.
4. prohibitory, as an order or command.
5. characterised by the absence of distinguising or marked qualities or features; lacking positive attributes: a negative character.
6. unnecessarily sceptical and discouraging.

woman with face mask holding a sign
Speak up : Photo by RODNAE Productions on

If an entity, individual or otherwise is frequently sceptical and discouraging, shuts you out, or thrusts you out of the group, and excludes some or just one… Are they acting in accord with inclusive principles?

When you make a complaint – are your issues considered sceptically? Are you ostracized? Are you denied access?
After you’ve made multiple complaints do you discover that all your further feedback is ignored?
A complaint is feedback about a way forward, do you feel that all criticism is bad?
Are you yourself being negative about criticism?

If a coach says “you’re backhand drop shot is poor.” do you feel bad, do you feel motivated to improve?
Must people walk on egg shells around you?

What does resilient mean?
Perhaps the coach needs to say, “I reckon that drop shot would improve if you trained for this…”
Language – but why does language need to be utterly perfect?

Negativity bias, conflation and exaggeration.

brown letter tiles on white surface
Identifying the problem is part of the solution! : Photo by Brett Jordan on

This person hurt me twice, thus I feel like all they ever do is hurt me, thus I hate them forever, and will ignore all the good they ever do, holding cynicism about anything they do into the future ever more.

Does familiarity breed contempt?

This entity does 999 things for 999 other individuals, why don’t they do something for me?
We didn’t even know you wanted us to, but now that you’ve put the question forth in that angry resentful way – well we don’t like you at all, so no, we aint gonna do business with you now anyways.

Shame causes resentment, and people who resent do not cooperate.
If you live in fear or anxiety, then any questioning or criticism may initially cause shame and resentment. Will you overcome that initial feeling and aim to improve?

Do not appear too good, nor appear too wise. Some people resent others looking good. Who are you going to hang out with? A bunch of whinging no hopers lamenting about how everyone else has more money, more opportunity, or???

Are you just going to give up and get drunk or intoxicated after working or studying all week in a low paying job or at school, because you’ve not got the courage to face your own incompetence about so many things? Are you actually a fool, that is so foolish you want to stay a fool!

Mummy, it’s too hard, i give up. Daddy, can you do it for me please?

children playing basketball
Shortest kid on the block : Photo by RODNAE Productions on

What motivates yourself?

Shame? Maybe. Encouragement? Maybe. Neutrality? Maybe. What is your personality?

How can you become self motivating?

My opening position is that I know very little about Asian History, thus I am incompetent about asian history, thus when inclined to improve myself, I have the opportunity to study asian history.

After I’ve spent time studying MY WEAKNESSES, I am stronger.

My weaknesses are where my greatest opportunities for growth and development exist.

There are no “natural” great people – they all put in time and effort, it’s just that you think they’re a natural because you haven’t seen them doing all that work. They are quiet achievers.

Shane Warne said “there are no naturals”. He was totally correct, he was brilliant because he trained consistently competently for decades!

Ask yourself…

What do I want to be competent at?

What do I want to be brilliant at?

Where are my priorities?

Who am I, and what do I want?


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