Climate Change as a metaphor.

I present for your amusement how some entities handle the emergency of climate change… as a metaphor.
We deeply believe that standing up is healthy for everyone and note that sitting down is widely considered unhealthy by many experts. I personally want to stand up more often and for longer periods. Thus I will undertake to stand up more often into the future especially over this next 8 week period.
But first, for the next 10 weeks I will conduct extensive research into the proposed new chairs, couches and beds that have come onto the market. My hope in doing this research is to mitigate the harm done from the sitting down that I unfortunately have to do. I expect that this research will be undertaken whilst sitting at my desk, in this horrible old chair that I don’t want to sit in because it has been used so much it’s broken and uncomfortable, so please make sure you fund me heaps for this research into new chairs.
12 weeks go by. I have undertaken the extensive research into new chairs and discovered that they all contribute zero effect upon me standing up, thus I propose that the new chairs are ignored and that we all continue to utilise our existing old chairs when not standing up.
16 weeks go by. What was I doing 16 weeks ago, oh yeh, I was supposed to be standing up more often. No that doesn’t align with these existing resources I have, as I’ve got a room full of old chairs, and now these new chairs I’ve collected from previous research into sitting down more effectively, think I better have a sit down and think about this.

How does one stand up?
Have a sit in a new chair and think about that. cough.

20 weeks go by. My records indicate that my standing up time has decreased whilst I have been examining the new chair situation. I now have more chairs to sit upon and much less room to stand up in, in fact the last time I got out of this brilliant new chair I hurt myself by stubbing my toe on the old chair, thus the doctor has advised I should stay off my feet until my broken toe heals.

person putting ankle foot orthosis to the patient
Standing up is risky business! Photo by ThisIsEngineering on

26 weeks go by. Yippy, my toe has healed, I’m going to stand up more often!
Oooo, that’s a nice chair being advertised to me!

Right lets do the analysis, I live in a five room house and I have ten chairs, thus I have plenty of opportunity about choices for sitting down. I have previously stated my position about wanting to stand up more often, but the abundance of chairs to sit down upon convinces me that standing up is very hard, and indeed I actually got an injury whilst standing up. Thus I should be very careful about my choices for standing up, the places I stand up and what i do when I stand up, as clearly standing up is risky business, even the doctor told me to stay off my feet.

But all the choices for sitting down are clearly known and well described, each of these ten chairs are thoroughly safe to sit down upon, I’ve managed to sit down upon them all for years and years without suffering any clear issues. It is not relevant that I am obese and cannot stand up for lengthy durations. Thus I should continue to take the path of least resistance because I am obese and don’t want to suffer the pain from standing up whilst I am obese. Thus I should in fact aim to sit down more often.

Great, I’ll buy another chair and give up this fantasy about standing up more often. I feel so satisfied I think I’ll have a sit down on the lounge, a chocolate donut and look into purchasing another more comfortable lounge.

I have discovered that movement is the main issue with obesity, so I think I’ll look into purchasing a chair with wheels upon it.

grayscale photo of wheelchair
Wheelchair, the best standing up some can do. Photo by Patrick De Boeck on

I have discovered that if I purchase shares in an existing chair manufacturing company they will send me many and varied options about chairs! This is brilliant, pretty much every one uses chairs all the time, so I can make hoards of money from the sitting down market, and don’t actually need to stand up at all!

After spending the last year of their life in a hospital bed, the person dies of obesity related diseases at age 55 years and leaves a heap of broken chairs to their family and friends, whilst their chair manufacturing shares are placed into a sludge fund that no one knows about because the filing systems’ top drawer can only be reached by standing upon a chair, and it is well documented that standing up on a chair is even more deadly than standing up on the floor!

love david.

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